Right I’m sorry I had to leave the end of this story for another week but those chicken nuggets were the best chicken nuggets I’ve ever had in my life. You know when they are just crispy enough and really juicy… Sorry… So where did I leave the story? Oh right there was a mummy coming right at me in the middle of an upside down pyramid in the middle of ancient Egypt! How could I forget?
So it was stumbling as it walked towards us, mumbling and grumbling. In fact it looked a lot like Uncle Jimmy when he was sleep walking.
Tutankhamun pushed me into a room and told me to keep low, he said a mummy brought back to life couldn’t see anything so they depended only on their ears! (Top tip if you ever get chased by a mummy!)
“What is going on??” I asked.
“Well we build pyramids as a big resting point for the dead, so they can be with all the things ready for the afterlife…”
“Yeah, so he has lots of food in here, games, boats and his brain is over there somewhere…”
I mean I had heard some crazy stories in my life but this was pushing it a little bit too far. Apparently when Egyptians die they take out their organs and place them in little containers called ‘Canopic Jars’
“Are you telling me over in those jars are brains and hearts?!” I screamed
“Oh don’t be ridiculous, we leave the heart in the body. The gods have to weigh that to determine the type of afterlife you receive, what do they teach you at school?!”
It took me a while to get over the idea of a thing running around with no organs, but it made sense now why it was mumbling. I think I would do the same without a brain!
The mummy was getting closer, it must have heard us talking!
Tutankhamun quickly rushed us down a winding corridor and into another room, this room was packed full of boats that were packed to the top with treasure with paintings all over the walls. The paintings on the walls were of people pulling funny shapes with their bodies and of strange animals and symbols.
It certainly looked like the Egyptians spent a lot of time preparing for the afterlife.
“Stand there and do NOT move! Move at your own peril!”
Everyone stood still for what seemed like hours, only ever moving when there was a noise coming from the distance.
The footsteps came closer and closer. The groaning louder and louder. Until…
The mummy had run into the room and suddenly fallen through a fake piece of floor and had landed into a deep pit!
“Ha I’ve got you!” said Tutankhamun
“You have traps in here?!” I asked.
“All pyramids have secret traps and not all of them as nice as this one, some are full of poison and some are full of spikes. Considering you are from the future you don’t know a lot about the past!”
went the mummy.
“And now to take care of the mummy!”
“BLUBBBBBBBBBBB” the mummy started to panic. If I had a brain I don’t think I would be able to be panicked.
Tutankhamun raised his arms and his voice echoed throughout the chambers.
“RELEASE THE SNAKES”
(Little side note here for you guys, I hate snakes, like even the thought of them gives me the shivers. No thanks.)
But THANKFULLY just before the snakes came slivering out the mummy stood up waving it’s arms around tugging at the bandages over it’s body. I was closing my eyes waiting for some horrible zombie to be underneath but it wasn’t. It was a slave that looked absolutely terrified!
“Help!” He said… “I fell into the slave toilets and got covered in toilet roll! Why do you keep running away!”
Everyone stared in silence. I couldn’t believe they were about to set snakes on a real non mummified, non-zombie person!
“Ah *cough* yes well of course we knew about this. This was *cough* a drill. In case of a real… Mummy…. attack. BACK TO WORK CHOP CHOP! PYRAMIDS DON’T BUILD THEMSELVES!”
This is when I was carried away back to machine in a bit of a hurry, they seemed rather embarrassed and keen for me to disappear. I was again followed by a crowd of slaves and every time I looked at them they would bow down to the ground and never give me eye contact. I think they thought I was some kind of god. I wasn’t complaining.
As I rushed off into the void of time and space I had a lot to think about, I wonder if they ever fixed the pyramids, I wonder if Tutankhamun ever got his own Pyramid tomb and would my picture be painted on the wall?
I suppose I’ll never find out… Unless I just google it…
How would you cope if you were confronted with a mummy? Comment below.